The Fake Commute
Today I want to talk about something that gets in the way of empathy: ANXIETY.
We are a world full of people who have been experiencing a lot of extra anxiety in the past year. We have anxiety because the future is uncertain. We're anxious because we've lost things. This year has been filled with anxiety for everyone, and when our anxiety is going full-speed it can be very hard to stop and notice the things (and people) around us. Anxiety is the enemy of empathy.
So many of us are learning how to work from home. Are we lucky to have jobs? Yes, we are. But telling ourselves to be grateful because we're employed - even when it feels like the days are endless, we're working longer hours with fewer breaks for the same pay, collaboration is suffering, and we're distracted by our families/pets/stuff - isn't helping with our anxiety at all. The anxiety that we're feeling may be causing us to be less available to be empathetic with our team. It's hard to be available to help someone when we feel like our own ship is taking on water. The main problem is that there is no separation between work and home. I'm always at work and never at work at the exact same time. This creates an overarching feeling that the situation is neverending and everything is urgent. We haven't left enough time to stop and breathe and be able to be there empathetically for the people around us. We're all going through the same thing, so it's easy enough to commiserate on that, but if someone on my team is experiencing a new problem it is very hard to make room for empathy. So what's the solution?
One method that I really like is compartmentalizing your day so that you can find a separation between the workday and the rest of your day. There's the concept of "fake commute" that I'm kind of in love with. The idea is to wake up in the morning and do what you would normally do back in the before times. Maybe you wake up, shower, brush your teeth, have coffee and breakfast, walk to the train or to your car, go to work. At the end of the day, you wrap up at work, walk to the train or your car, go home. What if you still did all of those things, but your "commute" was to your home for work? How might your day feel different if you still managed your morning routine and took a 20-minute walk or a short drive, came home to work, and then did the same commute at the end of your day? I'm betting that you would feel less anxiety because you would have a mental separation between work and home. Do you have a weekly appointment with your therapist or coach that you take over video? A 5-minute walk before those video calls helps to mentally separate you from work and make you more prepared for your session. It's all about creating boundaries and sticking to them. there's nothing like a solid boundary to help reduce anxiety.
Are you experiencing anxiety in an area other than working from home that is getting in the way of your ability to be empathetic? I’d love to hear about it.