Three Kinds of Empathy

Empathy. To put myself in your shoes and respond accordingly. From a leadership perspective, empathy allows us to connect with the people we are leading and to make them feel as though we are safe to follow. Having a manager that displays empathy makes a huge difference in how people rate their experience as an employee. Empathetic leaders are often referred to as good listeners, giving their full attention to the person that they are listening to and prioritizing making the person feel understood. The ability to show empathy can elevate all of your relationships. 

In order to get really good at empathy, it’s important to understand that there is more than one way to be empathetic. Psychologists have identified 3 types of empathy. Let’s talk more about that. 

Cognitive Empathy - This is thought-focused empathy. I’m able to understand what you’re going through on an intellectual level. This is useful at work, as it helps you to see and understand all perspectives. It is not emotional, which can be helpful when it comes to leading and motivating people. One of the best uses for cognitive empathy is in negotiations. One of the greatest tools that I can use in getting you to move toward my perspective is to first let you see that I am willing to understand yours. This type of empathy is often considered to be under-emotional. 

Emotional Empathy - This is feeling-focused empathy. Your feelings trigger my feelings. This is most often a reaction response. Feeling heartbroken for someone or “feeling their pain” when someone is hurt or injured is emotional empathy. Sometimes, having too much emotional empathy can get in the way of progress because it lacks an outside perspective. This type of empathy is often considered to be over-emotional. 

Compassionate Empathy - This is a mix of cognitive and emotional empathy. The sweet spot. I am able to connect emotionally while still maintaining my intellectual perspective. Because of this perspective, I am able to help.  This is the most useful kind of empathy. It allows me to understand your pain and be sympathetic while staying in control of my own emotions enough to help find a solution.

Let’s spend this week noticing where we are empathetically and working to develop this skill. Here is an exercise to get us started.